I’m trying to write now, to ‘release’ the negativities that I’m feeling right now. Hoping that as the words flow, all my insecurities, self doubts and emotions that are twisting my heart will evaporate with each letter that I type. In my previous entry, I wrote about all my ‘loves’ and what I enjoy doing that truly makes me happy. As much a contradiction as it may be, these loves of mine can sometimes swing to the complete opposite end of the spectrum to become my worst nightmares. I start questioning hard work and effort versus natural talent and I have this sinking feeling that deep down, my natural born talent is minimal and I am truly trying hard to ‘force out’ of myself what is really not meant to be. As I watch and observe others pursuing the same fields, dancing and morphing naturally into the skins of their loves (be it singing, dancing, performing, drawing…etc), I feel like a cheap fake trying too hard to be a natural. I constantly feel inadequate as I try desperately to climb up the ladder of perfection. Will I ever reach to the top rung of the ladder where I can confidently ‘proclaim’ that ‘I am what I am’, and where people will say, ‘yes, you are who you are.’ ?

I guess I am just really tired right now having just stumbled on a rocky bit along the path of life….I am still struggling to find the perfect words… as I write to fill up the gash created having stumbled and to simply, make myself feel better….and…I guess…for myself to try and smile again.

6 thoughts on “Smile?

  1. hey sweet, i think everyone of us will have this feeling once in a while esp when things aint going smooth…it’s probably a phrase that everyone go thru…must hang on and have faith! believe in yourself and someday i think, efforts will pay…(“,)


  2. I think you should try to put things in perspective.Nobody can look “nature” in any skill without putting in earnest effort in mastering the skill. You have many talents that I am sure many of your readers can see or may have commented. However, in the end, you are the only one that can realize your full potential. So, don’t let praises or criticisms from others bother you- just do what you need to do.Life is about enjoy the process of pursuing success and not success itself. You can never be sure that you would achieve what your heart set out to be; but you can always make sure the process be a satisfying and enjoyable one.Best wishes from a stranger.


  3. Life is a bed of roses. It is sweet at times but it hurts at times. Do not be discourage by the obstacles that are ahead of you.You have to ask yourself are all these as you describe in your blog you truly loves. If yes, go for it. There is no doubt that natural talent plays an important part but on the other hand, hard work and effort plays another part where one cannot ignore.The chinese belive that droplets of water will penetrate the rock. If you love what you are doing, practice and perserve will perfect your skills and one day you will reach the peak.Hope this will encourage to carry on. A passer by that read your blog.


  4. Life is a bed of roses. It is sweet at times yet it hurts too. Do not be discourage by the obstacles that are ahead of you.In the first place, you have to ask are all the things that you describe in your blog you love to do. If yes, you should carry on and perserve. There is no doubt natual talents play an important part. On the other hand, hard work will perfect your skills. This is something which one cannot ignore.The chinese believe that dropletof water will penetrate the rock one day. Life is a never ending of self learning and improvement. If you perserve and carry on your practice, one day you will reach the peak.Hope this will help you.Some one who read your blog.


  5. Hey,I would just like to share my thinking with you. As you know, I love music, so I keep on playing guitar and writing something. I understand reality is not so simple. While we are chasing our dreams, we have to earn money to support our life. Life is actually a game and we have to understand the rule to play it.I would recommend that you can focus on one of your interest, say for example, piano. Take exam and get certificate. Then you will be qualified to teach ppl. This can then support ur basic life or even not basic. This is the case in HK, dunno if it can apply in SIN. In the meantime, u can still develop what u like. Of course, no one can guarantee if u will succeed. But, if u follow tis plan, at least u will hav sth which can support ur life in the future.To me, if we can hav chance to chase our dream, even can’t earn BIG money or the final result is not so well, I won’t regret. Hope u will keep going for ur dream!!!!! 😀


  6. Hey gal…i tink that whenever we see successful celebrities, we think that they are really natural born talents..but no one really knows that they’d put in so much hard work into making it “look natural”. U have got talent, it might not look big now but it’s a start. The important thing is u dare to work for it and make sacrifices along the way. That’s what made u strong and different. i will always support you! muacks~!


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