Wow, what a show it was! I remember when my name was called out last to go through to the quarter finals, tears welled up immediately. Not because I was relieved, but because I was so upset that Priscilla and Tracy couldn’t make it through with us. It was especially so with Priscilla because both of us bonded quite strongly over the course of rehersals and classes and we were constantly ‘motivating’ each other to keep going and get better. As much of a ‘competition’ that it is, I think the friendships that we have forged over this 1 over month is stronger than the results from the competition itself.
Before the show started, Priscilla and I gave each other a ‘jiayou’ hug and I don’t know what came over us, but tears were already forming in our eyes and we had to tell each other to stop….before we ruined our makeup. A mascara-smeared face would definitely have not looked too glamorous on screen. Maybe because we were all under a lot of stress – expectations from ourselves, our family, friends and supporters, and of course from the team behind the scenes who have guided us through all this while. We were the very 1st elimination show to go on air….we couldn’t let them down.
I tried my best to calm my nerves before the show…but it was a lot harder this time round compared to last week’s show. I didn’t feel 100% ready this time, and even rehersals pre-show didn’t go too well.
1st segment – Imaging
I ‘floated’ out from backstage onstage (I hadn’t competely calmed my nerves at this point) and ‘floated’ to the mike. It was only at this point, when I was able to catch myself, focus and deliver my introductory line. And it was at this point, it hit me again that I love performing on stage.
When results were announced after this segment, I was surprised I was ranked 2nd. Personally, I felt that it must have been difficult for the judges to score us as I thought all 5 of us were on equal footing when I viewed our 1920s Shanghai styled videos.
Anyhows….next came the next segment – Talent Performance
Throughout this whole preparation process, this was the segment I feared most. Although I learnt to play the piano since I was 4, I was never one to go on piano recitals and perform infront of people. In fact, I wasn’t even comfortable playing infront of friends! Also, a rather unfortunate incident where I performed a piano piece really badly at school when I was 12 had left a deep psychological scarring and I have never been able to perform any piano pieces infront of people ever since without breaking down from nervousness. During rehersals, I played really badly infront of the team despite having already mastered the piece. It was then when I decided, that to get over my piano playing stage fright, I had to force myself to perform for anyone and everyone who was willing to listen to me play. I have to say this really helped me tremendously, but the breakthrough came when I asked my piano teacher, Chisheng how he manages to perform piano pieces infront of people so confidently and easily. He replied me matter of factly that he is so confident of his piano playing that he knows that when he hits the first note, everyone would sit up and listen, and he playing the piece, would be so absorbed into the tinkle of the keys and the melody that anyone and anything around him would fade away. I then started playing a psychological warfare internally and psyched myself that I was an excellent piano player and most importantly, I had to trust myself that the piece would flow naturally and beautifully from the minute I hit the first key.
I realised how powerful the mind was after my performance that night, the applause that came after and the marks that were awarded to my performance. I was definitely no Mozart or LangLang, but I had a personal breakthrough and I was over the moon. 🙂
Last Segment – Acting
I can only say a big thank you to Jalyn for patiently going through the lines with me and trying to get me into my ‘blur character’, Jiayi, Mingzhe and the team for all the pointers and help to help me be more convincing, and Hanwei for your spot-on tips and methods. I’m still not a good actress, but because of you all, I think I was the best that I can at this point. I will only try to keep getting better from now. 🙂
I’m still not sure how I managed to squeeze myself pass this elimination round and move on to the next, but I’m really happy that 我的努力，被小小肯定了. This choice I’ve made at this point of my life has and is adding a lot of laughter, tears, excitement and stress. It’s still a long road to walk, but so long as it continues to give me a purpose for my everyday, I will keep walking down this road with determination, and a smile plastered on my face. 🙂
xoxojeneen.com 